Aren't we Lovely?

Now that time is bad, we still have each other… =)

She is Ms Suping, a lady born in the yr of Oink Oink and one of the closest senior i had during my first yr in DT. I truly truly liked her cos she did think of our welfare when we worked for her. During my first yr, i was almost like 80% “owned by her” cos i see her almost every other month for a job. The happiest moments were when we were at Macpherson and it was really a great time… Now that she’s gone to a better place (cos she has her weekends off, unlike me, still working at this ungodly hours) i’m happy for her. especially in seeing her so radiant and no more panda-eyes.

It was great and it set me thinking if i should just venture out and see what lies in the future for me… i promised myself that i’ll survive past this peak. but i know for certain i’m going to move on. As for where, i don’t know. Cos there are so many things that i don’t know and can’t choose. but like what i’ve learnt from someone, “there’s no need to tolerate if you can’t take it.” So, i’m taking her advice and taking things in my stride.

Tomorrow will be better!

Did you realise this is lesson -1? I wanted to show that this was not a happy post, therefore it’s a negative 1. Hopefully my number of positives are more than my negatives. But despite it being a negative, it’s still a lesson, a tearful one though.

Last week was tough. So tough that i cried. Normally, i can’t even imagine the sight of me crying over job, especially audit. But i did.

Lesson 1: never say “I’ll never…” I just said it the day before and the next day, i cried. No matter how i tried to hold it back, i still cried.

I was really upset. Being chased by one manager and owing the other manager work. The worse is when the one chasing you has not even booked you to complete her work. Both expects me to produce something by end of day. I tried. I tried so hard that i broke down precisely because i know that i can’t complete. And i took the coward way of taking MC (my period came anyway).

Lesson 2: Learn to say ‘No’. To think i always teach others, when it comes to myself, it’s so hard to say it out loud and clear.

Cos of the impossible deadline, i had to go to my admin officer who distributes work and tell her i need to book my time for work. In the end, i ended up looking like i’m on the verge of breaking down, in front of her while asking for self-booking. In the end, she was the one who resolved my issue of in-ability to say ‘No’ to the manager. She even told me, “It’s okay. I’m fine with being the bad guy. As long as it’s the right thing, i’ll do it.” This comes from the well-known bad guy of the office. haha… maybe she knows it and decides to sacrifice herself for the better good?

Lesson 3: Some people are unintentionally bad while some make it a point to be bad, for a really honourable reason – because no one else is willing to?

The real lesson i learnt from this incident?

I’m really not that strong, mentally, and patient with myself. This is something i have to learn.

Quote of the Day:

Be PATIENT with everyone but above all, with ourselves.

Let us not be disheartened by our own imperfections but always rise up with fresh courage.

There is no better means of attainment to the spiritual life than by continually beginning again and never thinking that we have done enough.

LH is the brown one and I'm the white one. For once, i'm small!

I always asked myself: What am i doing in Audit? To get experience of audit? when i don’t really envision myself doing it for long? or be an accountant which truly bores me?

my future is really bleak when i think about it… cos i have no idea what i want and that’s the reason why i’m still here…

BUT BUt But but…

I’m still here and i’m not regretting my decision…

because i met a girl call Lee Hui.

It was by chance that we met due to BigMediumSmall, with horrible accountants and CMI accounts. We were forced to be so bonded cos they were just so hostile to us. Lee Hui is like my other alter ego, the exact opposite of me.

i’m fat (kuan1), she’s thin (zai3). i’m careless, she’s careful. i’m loud, she’s soft. I’m rough, she’s gentle (towards people). I always say No, but she normally say ‘Okay’.

she’s the direct opposite of me… but yet we’re friends! good friend at that. Cos i see so much goodness in her. her attention to details, which are often left behind in my rush to get things done. her thoughtfulness of people that always make me think more about her and when i talk to her.

Ah Hui, thanks for being such a good friend to me. I really and truly appreciate. Stay healthy and always remember to say No! to things that you really don’t want to do. Thanks for feeding me once again!

My BDay present from Fangting!

Yesterday, my JC friends celebrated my birthday in advance for me. Isn’t it SWEET of them? We had dinner at Shokudo, plus a birthday cake and a ice-cream toast. To me, it’s really a luxury… after one full month of meal-replacement powder, i tell you, eating a meal of normal food really makes me happy! especially when it’s with friends who care a lot about me… =)

It was only last night when i realised that i’m complaining a bit too much about my work… my friends are facing problems much greater than mine, e.g. back-stabbing and boredom. I’ve no issues of boredom cos we’re all so busy that we got no time to be bored and because we’re too busy, back-stabbing almost never occurs (at least in my circumstances).

oh ya, and i realised my dears love to matchmake… apparently, they’re trying to matchmake each of us. So i set my criteria for FT and my criteria is very simple:
1) at least 5cm taller than me (so i don’t get neckache from leaning on a shoulder that’s levelled with mine)
2) moderately smart and hardworking (i was okay with only hardworking but FT reminded me that stupid and hardworking is quite sad)
3) must take care of my mum and i cos we come in a package and
4) cannot be younger than me

So, conclusion, they are going to do some matchmaking so that we can be each others’ bridesmaid and wear a colour-coordinated theme dresses to each others’ wedding. it’s just so nice right? hee, for them, i’m willing to wear a dress lor! cos they are just so so dear to me.

As for when that day will come, it’ll all depend on Eunice cos she’s the one with the highest probability of getting hitched if she meets her Prince Charming? She has 5 candidates from Monday to Friday can? that’s how popular she is! Serene will take some time cos that girl, well, she needs more time to earn more money? hee… she’s too fickle minded la… (first, i need to see if her bf is still the same as last year…) Lala ma, i’ll need to find her a guy who happens to match her interest in fast cars and will insist on having her in HIS fast car, and NOT feel threatened by having a smart lawyer as wife. As for FT, it’ll be tough.. cos FT dear wants someone taller than her 175cm (i tell you, i’m 168cm and i have difficulty finding guys taller than 175cm these days), richer than her (which i’m not sure how tough it’ll be) and SMART (i mean seriously smart cos she’s REAL smart, no joke about that ^_^).

but buT bUT BUT…

there’s always someone out there for us right? some may say i’m being dreamy but i don’t think so… i believe that there’s someone out there for each and everyone of us. If the whole world has the same kind of males and females, with same tastes, i tell you, it’s BORING. FT will say the same thing… :p

Given all these reasons, i’m sure it’ll be quite some time before we get our ideals ah? but of course, as friends, we’ll keep a good look out for each other! so we can be each other’s 姐妹帮!

I’m Never wRong, not when i’m with friends whom i care about and they love me too! =)

I just ended my second job for the audit peak and i was rather glad (if i were to see things in an optimistic way). This second job sucks, both in accounts and client. But my colleagues were the best. My 1st year made me laugh like mad (at her expense), while my 2nd years made me feel so much of the team and helped me out a lot. We bitched a lot and laughed a lot and SANG a lot. All these at the client’s place. Is this the beauty of a big job? i never had such luxury of a team more than 4 and there we have at least 6 every day. while i was doing the job, i absolutely detest talking to clients. But once i’m off it, like this specific instant, i sorta missed that audit room where we worked. Fickle-minded humans huh?

I guess this kind of ‘happy’ feeling would be something that i’ll look back and smile to myself when i’m out of this industry…

when would it be?

definitely not only when i get married, i hope…

I was reading a Yoga magazine, Yoga Journal, and one of the articles reminded me once again of something i’ve resolved to remember when i started my audit peak.

“Happiness is not about the circumstances that you’re in, it’s what you make of the circumstances.”

Honestly speaking, i was rather upset since the start of my audit peak on 5 Jan 09. First job, the people above me aren’t exactly very thoughtful but the client was nice to me. Second job, the people above me are nice and the colleagues are wonderful, but the client sucks. Did you realise the BUT that always appear before i end my sentence with a full stop? If you didn’t, i guess you would now.

I was rather depressed, given that i slept a maximum of 4 to 5 hours a night, sleep at 12, wake up at 5 am to continue working. It made totally no sense to me when i looked back but yet, i did it. Without any complaints towards colleagues or boss. Of course, my mum was the one who suffered the brunt of my ‘depression’ and lack of reaction towards anything.

My lack of TIME for exercise also played a part – I had ZERO exercise for one whole month can? When i looked back to those days when DT still had corporate membership at Planet Fitness and i went PF at least once a week, i didn’t feel as lousy.

The lousiness truly sets in when i had the worse cramp of my life. It was so bad that it continued for 2 days and my colleagues forced me to go home. It was an ugly sight but yet, it woke me up partially. My mum asked a sensei and she said it’s cos of stress. and you know what? once i went home, i’m cured. It was only at the client’s place that i felt so lousy and wished that i was a man.

But, i didn’t woke up then. My weekends were spent sleeping and watching dramas because it felt rewarding. Rewarding at that point in time to my out-of-touch-with-the-world senses. After watching hours and hours of drama, i still felt empty. It felt stupid actually. When i could have spent those time doing yoga, the suffering that makes me feel good afterward, both mind and body.

Anyway, i forced myself to get in touch with my Yoga side and i realised just reading a Yoga Mag can in fact keep me happier than finishing one whole drama series.

Happiness is really what we make of our circumstances. Just by deciding to work on yoga instead of watching another episode of drama, it made me relieved and happy that i didn’t waste my time away.

Dear friends, if you’ve been too busy with work and no time to really sit down and think, i advise you to do so. You may be surprised at the results some times…

Today is the first day of Lunar New Year and i’m happy that i’m home and rotting and watching silly dramas, such as Korean’s version of F4. If not for the inhuman torture of my work and period last week, i doubt that my weekend would be so rewarding with this silly show. BTW, can i just say the leader of Korean’s F4 is GORGEOUS!?!?! (his nose is way too plasticky though) for once, i really think he should be termed THE leader. The curly hair suits him like it was meant for him! The Japanese version looks weak and have tons of curly hair which sucks… The taiwanese version looks okay but acts SOOOOO childish and cannot-make-it. Well, this korean version is WONERFUL! such eye candy. but then right, when you get all goodness from one lead, the other loses out. Rui, the nice and kind and gentle F4, in this Korean version, SUCKS!!! big time. feminine, overly plastic-surgeoned, and no common sense. I still prefer my Japanese Oguri Shun as Rui. BUT BUT BUT the other eye candy is: Kim Bum, SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO cute. ya, the length shows how cute i think he is rite? hee…

what a wonderful thing to happen… during my WORST to come audit peak…

dear friends, stay healthy so we can meet up… ^_^

i need to set one resolution for the year: i shall LOSE weight. Target is 10kg loss. no BUTs, only success. for my knees and for my mum… if i don’t lose, seriously, who’s going to carry myself and her along? =) both of us are so heavy that we can easily equate ourselves to make up 4 Jolin Tsai? haha…

I was watching a new korean drama showing on channel U. me being free and nothing-impt-to-do at the moment, i started going after this drama online since it’s free streaming available on mysoju.com. hee… the other reason i decided to finish this series is because it’s the 2nd highest ratings for that period, so it makes me want to see where the appeal is.

why it appeals to the crowd, i’m not really sure… the blood and gore is a real turn-off to me… cos it really looks like they filmed some of the procedures on real patients, or else, how can the heart be beating so real in front of my eye… :S but the doctors’ attitudes are quite encouraging. the actors are good as well… the story line’s focus on the patients are quite good, just not as good as JDrama Code Blue, which made me cry every episode. also, the medical terms used are quite extensive in my layman’s opinion, which made it real enough. the bummer comes in during the pathetic love story and the sudden recovery of the surgeon who almost lost the use of his right hand. But all in all, it’s an OKAY drama ya?

but i really like one of the lines between the main surgeon’s wife and daughter:
D: mum, are you very happy that dad is coming to join us? you look especially pretty and happy today.
M: of course i am.
D: but don’t you find it very tired to pin your happiness on one person? if dad has another emergency surgery and is unable to meet us again, are you going to be upset again?
M: …
D: i mean we should look for our own happiness and not pin the hopes on someone else. it not only make that person tired, it’ll also make you unhappy. if this is the case, what am i supposed to do when i’m marrying someone else? if you pin all your hopes of happiness on me?
M: …

it makes sense right? undoubtedly, many of us are searching for happiness in our own world but somehow, we have to realised that happiness to ourselves should not translate to burdens of others.

I saw a soft toy cow which i totally fell in love with at TM. after deciding for about 3 hours, i told my mum that i’m going back to get it. but the next day, i received a KDF envelope, asking for donations. the envelope showed the story of a mother who had kidney failure and has a 9 yr old daughter who is very smart and willing to study. as such, i decided to give away my money for “Moo-Moo” to KDF, hoping that it can help this mother-daughter. it makes me feel proud that i’m able to do this, haha, and inflates my ego at the same time. =) no more Moo-Moo…

To Moo-Moo: hope you get a better owner than me!

This week is the 3rd of my 3 continuous work week since quite some time ago, maybe 2 months or so? Anyway, I was jumping along 3 different companies and now I’m at my last one. The intensity of each company lessens with time, so it means it’s getting more and MORE manageable as it goes along. Heh, I should be glad about it isn’t it? And I AM! =) superbly hilariously Happy!
This week at “Small In Materiality” is the best because the client is not bad and colleagues are fun to be with. I’m with an A10 I worked with when she first came in and an OJT (on-job-trainee) who came in around 2 months ago. They are fun to talk to and the fact that we have not too much to do makes the whole experience better. Haha, go home at 7plus and get to take cab to and fro can?
I’ve learnt a bit more about this A10, whom I’ve worked with when she first came in as an OJT. She irritated my AIC greatly but I think it’s quite understandable since she just came in. or should I say my AIC has rather high and unattainable standards at a lot of times given how ‘perfectionistic’ she is. Apparently, this A10 is also a single child, whom the dad disapproves of her accounting profession as he perceives it to be a profession that results in a calculative spinster. It was really very funny because her dad got this perception purely from the accountant in his office. This is a generalization but sometimes oh-so-true in a few instances. Anyway, she’s the good good kind of girl who’s also not really sure what she wants in life. But she does know she wants to do something that she can meet people. We even considered being a receptionist. It is in fact quite good if you don’t want to over-use your brain power and still get to meet and talk to all sorts of people. So our conclusion is that we’ll work til we find something better for us to do.
Next is this OJT. First thing, he smokes, albeit quite embarrassedly. Second thing, he’s cheeky and able to withstand my cruel words. Sometimes he even executes a few cruel words on us. Third, he’s quite good at buttering, something which I’m not so comfortable about, so I just brush his words off the moment there’s a chance. BUT, he can complete the work I pass to him, so I shouldn’t complain so much.
BUT BUT BUT without them, I don’t think I’ll realized that so much rumour about me is flying all over the office. Of course it started with my AIC telling them that I’ll be accelerating (a rumour without basis) and then they started telling me I’m a 1st class from SMU plus a Deloitte scholar (who’s bonded to DT for 3 years). Excuse me, I’m sure my cert wrote Magna cum Laude, not Summa cum Laude. My DT scholarship is a scholarship for the needy, not for excellence! Goodness…
However, I’ve met really nice client who’s a new accountant here and my senior-in-charge treats me really nice… hee, my luck is changing?
p.s. but my period is not here yet and I’m rather worried about this… 2 months and counting… 