The phrase above struck me real hard when i was watching this korean drama “The man who can’t get married”, which was originally in japanese and i totally adore it. i decided to give the korean version a try cos i wanted to see how well they adapted the japanese version. the end result is that it’s ALMOST the same as the japanese one but given it’s 16 epsiodes length, there’re gonna be more to it rite?

anyway, i was watching this eps 3 and there’s this conversation about does being single make a person, male or female notwithstanding, uncomfortable? the main guy just replied,

“you’re feeling uncomfortable because you view it as an end in your life. but i chose not to and hence i’m comfortable about being single.”

well, it’s true isn’t it? given our upbringing, we have a tendency to view marriage as part of our life journey. When someone ask you, how come u’re still single, you feel awkward because it was known to you as a required stage in life. BUT it can be a passing stage in life actually. one need not feel like digging a hole and hiding in it when someone ask about your status.

i’m not saying that marriage is not necessary or singlehood is the best. i’m just advising everyone out there that single is not wrong. it’s just a choice, irregardless of whether it’s willingly or unwillingly. there are ppl who wants to be married but there are ppl who wants to remain single as well. don’t question why ppl are still single at this age but try to accept their choice? it’ll make the person happier.

Dear WJ,

I was checking out a song (情歌 – 梁静茹) on YouTube and upon the end of the MV, I just felt like writing to you cos the ending scene of going back school and seeing the room just made me smile like the female actress when I think of D&T’s classroom.

Thank You for being a friend to me when I was in Sec 1 and 2.

For befriending me when I was ostracized by others for me such a fatty. For being a friend to me when I needed someone to talk to. For accepting me for who I am, no matter if you treated me like a brother or sister. For helping me with my temperamental computer when I asked you to. (I still remember you saying that a computer acts up similar to its user and I just have to tell you that my computer is really even tempered these days!) even though you nagged at me for this and that, you still helped me with my computer and I thank you for it. I seriously think that I don’t looked anything like a girl at that time. haha, I looked more like a king kong then? I still have our D&T photo when we went for some science centre trip and I just laugh out loud. I was so huge compared to the whole club, like an overgrown giant, especially besides WeeShan.

Do you know at that time, I often wondered if your primary school crush’s name is not Wan Rong, will we still be friends at that time? Sometimes, it’s quite a joke isn’t it? but if this same name was the one that joined us together, I’m happy that my mum changed my name to Wan Rong when I started primary 1.

Going to D&T club was always a joy to me maybe because I didn’t get along with my own class people and I enjoyed working under guidance of Mr Kwang and Mr Sim. Of course, the session got better with you, wee shan, ruiping, shinta and linda. Sometimes rite, I wonder if linda likes you le, or else, how come she’s always at loggerheads with you ah? Haha, or did you reject her and that’s why she’s so against you?

But I think my crush on you all started with the TKK young inventors’ award where you stood with me, against linda. There was some issue about the project sent in and you agreed to support me to fight for my rights of the project. I guess the crush started then cos you’re the first guy to support me in wat I’m doing besides my dad. For that, I’m truly grateful to you. from then on, we sort of got closer in terms of chatting on phone, so I got to know about your primary sch crush, etc.

To me, it was a nice experience of liking someone and I never wanted you to know cos I was sure at that time it’s gonna be out-right rejection. I was happy that we can chat and go out for food once in a while.

I still recall once when we went out to eat, you asked me if a girl keeps calling a guy, does it mean the girl likes the guy? if I didn’t remember wrongly, I didn’t give an answer cos I thought if I said yes, you would know I liked you then and you may start avoiding me, making friendship impossible. So after that question, I didn’t call you for quite some time and I thought you may have known it but didn’t say anything. But if you still didn’t know anything til today, haha, I guess it’s expected ya? I’m the only one who’s thinking too much. :p

At the age of 18, I felt like writing to you just to let you know since we’re no longer in the same school and therefore, there’s no awkwardness on either of us since we’re not exactly seeing/contacting each other. But in the end, I didn’t cos I think 18 is still a very tender age? My face skin was still rather thin then. But now, I’m 25, with 7 more yrs of dead skin cells on my face so I don’t feel embarrassed anymore and I just felt that I should thank you for the wonderful memories I had among those terrible ones (from choir and class) that I had at that time.

Once again, thank you for everything and I hoped that you’ve met a girl who’ve touched your heart and you’re working hard for your career. Stay healthy alright? We should come out for tea someday when you’re comfortable to see me.

Cheers,
Wan Rong

It all started with avoiding a camera man and I ended up being accused of flirting with him by my friend. Can you believe that?

Last Friday I went back to school for an alumni gathering. The purpose of going back is to talk to my dean and favourite professors and see how they’re doing. The feeling of going back is wonderful cos I felt real calm upon reaching school compound. I looked at the various associations’ boards and the activities and all those days of studying and slogging for Asoc felt like yesterday to me. Of course, the thing that made me most happy is my friend telling me, “Hey, you lost a lot of weight!” haha, I tell you, it made audit worthwhile for once. :p

The event was supposed to start at seven and me being me, arrived at 7.05pm with my friend. When we reached, one of my “crooked” (sexual preference) senior was already in and the first thing he said about me was: “Last time you used to walk in. Now, you strut in.” Huh? Excuse me, but I don’t remember myself being born in the year of rooster. But he followed it with, “Confidence boost is quite tremendous ah?” haha, it’s a compliment so I shall not strike him on the head. But I was really touched when he asked me about my mum’s condition. It’s really really nice of him and I felt totally rotten for not going online to see how he had been doing. So I told myself, even if i’m busy, I should spend some time going online and see how he’s doing.

So there I was, talking to my senior and my dean’s husband (who’s my 1st yr “smilling Buddha” professor) and I felt a camera being angled at us. I tell you, I’m rather sensitive to camera cos I don’t like taking photos that contained me as part of the final product. Seriously. I felt it and I hid behind my prof immediately. But because there was only the 3 of us in the area, the camera men changed to another angle so he can capture us all. Given that my prof is SHORTER than me, I hid behind my gay senior, who’s at least half a head taller than me. And you know what? That guy changed angle AGAIN! I tell you, I understand that he’s there to earn some society fund for photography, SMUSAIC, but he can slack and I won’t tell on him? no one was there to say anything about him anyway! So this stubborn 3rd yr SMU BAcc student continued to target the 3 of us. So, I decided to apply reverse psychology, hoping that it’ll shut him up by saying, “Don’t you know that your camera cannot take it if its object of focus is too pretty? And that happens to be me?” I really thought it’ll get him puking or something you know? So he’ll walk far far away and focus on the food instead. Of course, my prof had to add in more salt and pepper by saying, “Not because the lens will crack with your face meh?” and I had to retort, “if it cracks, it’s cos my beauty is too much for it to take it.” I tell you, I was totally mad but decided to go all the way since there’s no turning back. Might as well make it convincing.

I was WRONG. he wasn’t fazed. He continued to take pictures of us again and again and again and I’ve decided not to run away. You want to take, you go ahead. Doesn’t matter anymore. A good thing, my beloved dears started streaming in after 7.30pm and I had someone to run to besides my useless senior and professor who keeps dissuading me from marriage.

to side track, my married Prof’s best advice to warn ppl off marriage:
“do you know what’s the 3 rings of marriage?”
“don’t know”
“engagement RING, wedding RING and suffeRING!”
-_-||| it’s lamer than LAME but I sorta agreed with that. Haha…

But then, while I was laughing over like mad over it, another flash appeared and I realized that pesky cameramen took my photograph AGAIN! this time without me knowing and catching me while I’m talking! My friends are like “you know him?” and I was like “ya, knew him 30 mins ago.” Then my dear VP has to add: “what, you don’t know him? Then why he keeps coming here? he goes off for one photo of others and come back again to take photos of you.” My senior has the guts to nod his head vigorously and agree with my friend.

Seriously speaking, I don’t know. Either he’s totally besotted with my beauty looks or he’s trying to crack his camera lens so the society can get him a new one. Former or latter? Beats me.

But he took at least 6 of my individual shots (I felt 4 of them but my VP says there’s 2 more while I’m laughing like mad over my prof’s jokes) and many other group shots with me inside, per my dear friends. Oh well, he’s besotted with mature ladies, don’t mind him ya? Since he took so many of my shots, isn’t it only right that I ask for a fee? Models get paid for showing their face rite? and these photos are going to be published on SoA website! So why should I give it to him for free? And he dared to come and tell me: “hey, your eyes are closed in this photo, can retake?”

“no need la, you took so many others, just photo-shop my eyes on to this one. You’re a pro, aren’t you?” I told him this and saw him stunned. Haha, I tell you, it was fun!!! :p

Just before he left, i called out to him and said, “for all those photos taken of a beauty like me, i want a fee for all the photos taken ok?” and then my smiling Buddha prof has to add in, “ah, you’re interested in her rite?” then that guy had the decency to blush and say, “don’t get me into trouble can?” haha, I tell you, it was so funny! I tell you, I totally enjoyed the whole thing, despite me being so egoistical. My VP popped out then and said “you only knew him today and you flirted with him throughout the night?” of course not, I do that to my colleagues (who are taunt-able) all the time. just ask sunny boy and chubby chan. It’s always fun to throw ppl off balance, which is a skill I’m developing day by day. But ppl mistake it as flirting. No choice la, as long as I know it’s not, it doesn’t matter wat others say rite? come on lor, if it’s someone I like, I won’t say much one, I realized that when I was in secondary 2. Haha.

Oh yar, I made a mistake during the night. The admin officer who organized the gathering distributed a piece of paper that contains learning goals of SMU BAcc/MPA program and asked for our comments. I read it and found it funny but didn’t say much but the more I discussed with my VP, the more I felt it being wrong. then just when I blurted out that the whole thing is bullshit, I lifted my head and saw my dean directly in front of me. Man, I tell you, it’s real bad. And my stupid senior has to add in, “what if it’s written by the dean?” wah kaoz, I tell you, I was totally stunned speechless. All I could do was profusely apologise and tell the dean exactly wat I meant. But from her expression, I don’t see her reaction to my explanation. Oh well, spilled milk. Forget it. at least, when I left, she’s still very gracious and asked me to come back when I’m free. I guess those impractical and flowery learning goals weren’t written by her?

But you know what? I felt really really happy and peaceful when I was there. I was laughing like mad and real happy to see those friends of mine and appreciate them for remembering me and still tolerating my nonsense. I miss them all. I miss SMU. I miss the hardship of running Asoc. I miss the gossips. I miss my project mates who tolerated my bossiness. I miss the profs who scold me for not speaking up in class often enough. I miss my Asoc room where my projects are still lying inside per the new president.

I miss the ME in SMU. The one who had everything in the world, including my father, who was still loitering on earth then but decided to leave for heaven just before my graduation.

Can we turn back time? nope, that’s why we should never have amnesia cos life is harder to get by if there’s no memories for us to hang on to.

Dear friends, stay strong and healthy. Watch the road when you cross k? just now, there was a serious car accident just in front of my block with all the sirens of 999 and 995, which implies casualties. Goodness.

my AM went overseas with her baby last week and she came back alone this week. i was quite shocked when she just plainly tells me “i’ve lost it”.

i dunno her intensity of sadness cos this is one manager who is really very hard to read. i dun really wanna secondguess how sad she’s feeling but it’s hard for ppl to digest no matter what. it just felt damn sad cos she went back to her country to seek advice on how to keep the baby and then she ended up losing it there.

was audit the culprit? or was she herself the culprit? she’s someone who cares about how ppl look at her and she’s the kind who can’t let go. if her baby’s lost because she didn’t take good care of herself, darn, i tell you, she’s gonna be feeling really bad for the rest of her life. Although i’m sure she can have another baby, since she’s young, i guess it’s not gonna be the same ya?

let us all pray for the baby who didn’t get to see this world. maybe it knows that its mummy’s not ready for it (cos she’s a workaholic)? that’s why it refuses to arrive safely? it makes me feel beta if i think it this way.

江蕙 – 落雨聲

V1: 落雨声哪親像一条歌(下雨声 就象一首歌)
誰知影(誰知道)阮越頭嘸敢聽(我回頭就不敢聽)
异乡的我 一個人起畏寒(寒冷的感覺從心底油然而生)　
寂寞的雨声 捶阮心肝(刺痛我心)

V2: 人孤单 像断翅的鸟只
飛袂行(飛不動)　咁講是阮的命(難道是我的命運)
故乡的山 永遠攏站置遐(永遠站在那裡)　阮的心晟(我的心情) 只有講乎山來聽(只有講給山聽)
来到故乡的海岸 景色猶原攏總無變化(景色依然沒變化)
當初離開是為啥　你若問阮阮心肝就疼(你若問我我心就疼)

C1: 你若欲友孝世大嘸免等好額(你若想孝順不必等飛黃騰達)
世間有阿母惜的囝仔尚好命(世間有娘疼的小孩最幸福)
嘸通(不要)等成功欲來接阿母住　阿母啊　已經無置遐(媽媽已經不在那兒了!)

Repeat V2

C2: 你若欲友孝世大嘸免等好額(你若想孝順不必等飛黃騰達)
世間有阿母惜的囝仔尚好命(世間有娘疼的小孩最幸福)
出社會走闖塊甲人拼輸贏(長大後在社會上闖蕩)　為著啥(為了什麼)　家己嘸知影(自己也不清楚)

Repeat C1

哭出聲　無人惜命命(沒人來疼惜)

刘力扬一个人就好(台湾偶像剧《爱就宅一起》插曲)：

作词/作曲：徐旻铃 编曲：郑楠

街 挤满了欢笑
太不适合 眼泪凑热闹
快跑 快寻找 无人的转角
不优雅时候 一个人最好

爱 说退就退潮
我松开手 回忆却没放掉
未来 不来了 地球 继续绕
躲回温暖的梦 我一个人就好

为什麽 越相信谁能依靠
越换来 又一次灵魂寂寥
有没有永远 再不会让心绝望的解药
如果说 越踏出世界一脚
越不能 保留住天真微笑
那从今以后 我一个人过 就很好

心 很平静地跳
只是寂寞 潜伏像海啸
突然某一秒 偷袭我眼角
眼泪自己擦掉 我一个人很好

为什麽 越相信谁能依靠
越换来 又一次灵魂寂寥
有没有永远 再不会让心绝望的解药
如果说 越踏出世界一脚
越不能 保留住天真微笑
那从今以后 我一个人过 就很好

This song came as a surprise to me as i was watching the drama. The drama was slow but quite impactful due to the shooting and the show of feelings by the actors. This song was on air when they shot Momo (protagonist) standing in front her parent’s grave, without her sis with her. It totally portray the kind of “alone-ness” that the director was trying to tell the whole world. It reminded me of the time when i was ostracised in primary and secondary school, the time when my dad passed away and i had to handle the bulk of everything: from relatives’ ridiculous ranting to my mum’s emotional breakdown. Friends were there for me and i totally appreciate it but they have their own things to juggle and i can’t expect them to take on my emotions throughout that whole period. But when i look back and see that, i realised how strong it has made me. It really affirmed my thinking 我一个人很好. I know it sounds super hermit and anti-social but it sustained me. it pulled me through the worst time in my life and i’ve survived. battered emotionally but still alive. I’m alive and still positive, so it’s a blessing rite?

i managed to do a supported shoulder stand. Do you know what this signifies? after 2 yrs of on-off yoga practice, i finally managed to do decent shoulder stand. give me half a year more to train my abs and i’m ready to go unsupported!!! ^_^

the exhilaration i felt from doing that one shoulder stand far surpasses the happiness of completing an audit fieldwork. upon the completion of a fieldwork, i only feel exhaust and gladness cos it’s ended. but with my shoulder stand, i feel peace and happiness that i DID it!!!

this morning, i woke up and even felt that i can imagine myself writing a farewell letter to all my colleagues. this is how seriously i’m considering leaving Delightful Training for an unknown world outside.

I started my Finals work at a continuity client – 杀头国际 yesterday. As i’ve mentioned, it’s a continuity job, so it’s not as tough. but the things that need to be done still have to be done. =) it’s gonna be a wonderful 3 weeks, cos this holding company is gonna be dissolved. heh. goodness gracious, can just imagine the impact on my beloved FS.

anyway, i’ve known the tea lady since i was an a10. she’s really nice and friendly. so we always end up chatting about nothing for at least 5 min in the morning. as you know, i like to make SMALL talks. heh, anw, i was in the pantry talking to a shipping officer whom i enjoyed talking to in hokkien, so as we chat, the pantry lady asked me,

PL: You can speak hokkien?

WR: ya, decent enough that ppl can understand. but ppl often finds it rather rude, the standard way singaporeans said it. but i still like speaking hokkien, cos it’s like i know my roots.

PL: it may sound a bit rude and uncivilsed but what matters is not what you’re speaking because what’s important is the attitude of the person who said it. if you’re not nice and you’re speaking perfect english or mandarin, u’re still worth nothing!

WR: heh, ya, u’re quite true.

PL: tat’s why, if you speaking hokkien and dun mean to be rude, u’re doing fine…

WR: heh, thanks for that!

this came from a 64 yrs old pantry lady. dun i just love her! she made me wanna speak hokkien more. btw, i started singing hokkien songs at kbox le! i tell you, i LOVE it so much!!!!!!!!!!

YES! i’ve waited for a long time and finally i got it! =)

What is it?

A fitness centre near my house!!! Yippee!

Amore has started a new centre at the new mall Tampines 1, 10 minutes away from my house! and i’ve signed up for it! and you know what? my favourite Cold Storage is also there as well. man, i tell you, the feeling is so darn good can?

although the yoga classes are rather limited, only 3 kinds for me to choose from, it is sufficient for me as i doubt i have time to go for more. heh. but on the other hand, if i have more time, i actually can use their gym equipments, which is limited but sufficient for me, and i can go for other aerobic classes which i’m interested in just by reading the brochures! =) best thing? i found a colleague who’s willing to be my gym buddy. So to add things up, i’m REALLY very happy. Also, i won’t feel guilty for leaving my ma alone for too long when i go gym cos it’s so darn near my house. in the past, going to parkway for a session took me 4-5hours per round trip. Now, i can go for 1.5 h and then ask my ma to meet me there to window shop! =) she can nua til she’s happy then meet me! isn’t tt wonderful?

btw, for this gym sign up, i actually went to sign up for a credit card cos i can pay 10% lesser than normal. so i went to citibank, thanks to lala’s recommendation, and applied for one (for which they gave me 2, since it’s free). and you know what? in 1.5h time, they called me to collect the cards. i was shocked can? i thought it was a bogus call but it’s not. my cards are indeed activated and ready for use. heh. the banks are really poor ya? to be working at the speed of ‘light’. but the cards are a bit scary to me le. seriously, i felt a empowered by it (my greed is acting on me) but at the same time scared of it cos i dunno if i’ll be over-spending. these days i have a tendency to over-spend. so i’m giving my mum one card for her groceries at Cold Storage (our fav. supermarket). i’ll live with the other card and hopefully i don’t chalk up unnecessary bills.

life is GOOD!!! ^_^

p.s. for those who wanna go Tampines 1 to catch a view, pls go in another month’s time if you hate the crowd. i tell you, when i look across the road, it’s like i’m in Orchard can? the crowd is terrible. truth to be told, the shops are a bit more interesting than TM and CS, but i’m worried about their going concern. serious. i mean, you see renowned brands like Simmons, Serta (mattresses) in Tampines neighbourhood. it’s a wonder you know? i mean come on, if one can afford these luxury mattresses, will we still be living in HDB flats? well, there are exceptions but still? heh. we’ll see in another 6 months’ time?

An incident happened just this week, which made me see myself and the thoughts deep within me.

One of my colleagues found a job and she was all so happy about it. I was happy for her but at the same time, i felt a rather sharp pain of failure, out of nowhere. i asked myself: why did i feel that? upon deeper ‘communication’ and acknowledgement of the evil in my head, i realised it came from her finding a job so easily and earning that much more as compared to me. immediately, i realised my sense of greed is at work. so i pushed it away and told myself, i shall not be jealous of her. cos i should be happy for her that she’s found something good for herself. but i have to admit that i felt guilty for even being jealous of her. i told her the next day when she asked me for advice on her new job. it made me feel better that i told her cos i really regard her as a friend than just a ‘another colleague’.

as we progress along the conversation, we discussed the pros and cons of the new job, compatibility with her character, etc. She told me her concerns and i told her my worries. we discussed and i realised that if i were in her position, i won’t be happy for long. i may even be more upset than compared to if i were in audit. i could jolly well be earning more but i would feel worse off cos audit provides me with the various human contact which her new job does not. all the human contact is what made me stay in audit thus far.

like what i told her, i’ve learnt nothing in audit except soft skills, communicating with different kinds of people. and this is the exact skill that i’ll bring with me to other jobs that i truly want to work on. also, she also made me say out what i want to do. in fact, i know i want to heal people, not just physically but also mentally. i want to be able to relieve pain of the people who are hurting. it’s a big dream but i want to do it. it’s no longer just teaching. when i wanted to teach, i just wanted to fulfill the part of me who wants to be able to impart, which can be done if i survive one yr of audit senior.

for now, i feel like being a chinese sinsei, who specialises in massaging of nerves and muscles. i always feel good when i managed to relieve the pains of my mum’s knees.

somewhere deep inside me, i know that i can handle any, i mean any, jobs that i’m willing to take up. for all those ‘office work’, it’s really about understanding the basis and things will unravel by itself. but i know there’s one thing that i may not be able to do well. And that is YOGA. heh, it’s really sad to tell people that i’m still not able to do 50% of a chaturanga well enough after almost 2 yrs of practice (even if it’s on-and-off). this is the only job now that i’ve no confidence about. i’m even confident about myself being a wonderful teacher. haha.

should i consider doing yoga for a career? when i do yoga, it’s the only time when i feel like i’m troubles-free. truth to tell, it’s a bitch when i’m in the yoga pose. but precisely because it’s such a bitch, i don’t think about other things and when i rest, i also don’t think about anything because i was worn out from swearing at that ‘bitch’.

i’m going to take one mth of no-pay leave in june/july and i hope to make a decision then. no point taking a CPA when i don’t even want to be an accountant right? =) waste everyone’s time.

Quote of the day:

One of the biggest obstacles on the path is the doubting mind. Until we see through it, doubt incapacitates the mind, blocking our effort for clarity.