Some questions are simply timeless

Today I had lunch with a few of my students and realised that life is indeed boring cos we seem to go through that same phase, no matter how the world seems to have changed and options have multiplied. Teenagers still go through that stage of uncertainty, self-doubt, fear of the unknown, etc.

From the pessimist’s point of view, there’s no need to work too hard to find out more about life cos this is life, which is unpredictable.

From the optimist’s point of view, it is about making the best out of every situation such that life is not a waste of time and one won’t regret his life on earth at his deathbed.

Which one do you choose to be?

Tidbits of teaching life near end of 2011

1 Nov 2011: met my student, sing leng, from last semester and she happily introduced me to her bf as “her audit teacher”.

22 Nov 2011: I was nominated for NP Teaching Award! Despite only having less than 3 months of teaching experience, there are students who find me good enough to nominate me. It is a very important affirmation to me, especially when I really did put in my best.

27 Nov 2011: went to a kpop concert w chic. Really enjoyed e performance and even got inspiration from it as to e lecture opening I need.

13 Dec 2011: Mama started watching dramas w liver cancer and hospital. It shows that she has indeed learned to accept life as it is.

14 Dec 2011: one of my students, Kumar, told me a week ago that he will get an A for his FFA common test for me and he really did it. Despite me telling him that the A is really for himself.

“Teacher, thank you! I went from a Fail to A!”

As the title suggests, my student, Gordon, said it to me. Somehow, I didn’t feel that I’ve achieved much because to me, I’m really just doing what I ought to do. But in their hearts, it truly meant sthg to them. Guess that’s how it works? as long as they feel good about it. Next time, I will reply to that and say, “This simply tells you that you can do it! Correct?”

Then another of my audit student, Sonia, emailed me to say sorry for not being ready for her audit paper and hence failing it. My first thought was, I’m ok with it once it’s not my results. But then, I recalled that I did email my Dean when I thought I didn’t even get a 2nd upper class honours, to say sorry. That was done because at that time, I seem to have failed to meet her expectations of me. Even though I had a legitimate reason to screw up then, I still felt that I’ve let her down. Amazing how one sees things differently when one takes on different roles.

Start of a new yoga class

Today I started my yoga class once again. I signed up for true fitness’s 3 yrs mship because of its hot yoga studio. But I was sorely disappointed cos e studio was not working today and e teacher seems to be a bit on e slow side. However, just when I was going to leave, I decided to say my thanks to e teacher, even though I didn’t like his class a lot.

He is a very pleasant person who replied my thanks w a namaste and he asked me how long have I practiced yoga. I was pleased that he can see and he said that it’s because I can do certain poses. But didn’t everyone in e room do it as well? Anyway, seeing that he is someone I can ask, I told him about my sore back and he said it’s not because I didn’t tuck in my tailbone but because of my heavy bottom. My spine took e bulk of e weight so it hurts. Therefore, I should go for gentle yoga or therapy yoga classes. It makes me more determined yo lee weight.

I WILL LOSE WEIGHT!

NP open house

Come to think of it, the education landscape has really changed a lot since my post-sec sch days. In e past, when one gets 10 and below, we’ll not think twice about going JC. But now, poly seems to be an equal opponent to JC for many students. It’s not that the students know what they want but more of they no longer find poly inferior to JC education and is willing to give it a try. Especially if they feel that JC is too stressful for them and will like to go straight to work-related studies.

Honestly speaking, I’m torn with choosing between JC and poly education. To me, e fastest way is to go JC and get into Uni. But I realised it’s not what the students feel, especially if they deem JC as stressful. They seem to take e selling that poly is better than JC cos it’s hands-on. But after coming in here, I’m afraid that they may be disappointed because it’s very hard to get in local uni via e poly route.

If I was born ten years later, with options to go poly, will my decision be any different?

my funeral?

after this round, I question e existence of a funeral wake. Honestly speaking, what is a purpose of a wake?

From films, wake is always about telling good things of e dead, how they have made a difference to other ppl’s lives. But in reality, that’s not exactly e case. Before last night, e purpose of a wake has never been clearer. It’s an event to allow socialising, which means exchange of namecards, discussion of future dealings, etc. It’s also an event of money collection, which means you collect now and then give at a later date at another similar occasion. Heh, guess grandma didn’t do enough to get eulogies at her funeral.

And somehow, it got me thinking about my own funeral. How do I want it to be? Is there a need to go through all these rites? Will I be able to have a good eulogy session at my own funeral? feels good just thinking about it…

6 months into the job…

and i’m shocked. That time passed so fast and in a short span of time, my thinking has gone a 180 degrees turn. No doubt, this turn may not be a good one but i guess this is the most logical that i can accept for now.

I came into this job with ideals of what i want to accomplish. I never thought it’s gonna be easy but the difficulty level surpassed my expectation. It is tough. Rules are set, regulations in place and students don’t have any idea what they want. It’s not like it’s easy to change it. And it’s tougher to want to think that i can make a significant change to it because the difficulties in front of me are scary. It made me rethink what i want to accomplish when i first came in and what can i do now, as a junior lecturer in this place.

1. Not all students are interested in learning, like those in audit.
2. Exam questions are simply to fulfill requirements
3. Learning is not for the knowledge but to move on to the next stage

There are still so many realisations during this period and i can’t even put it all together coherently cos my thinking changes every time something happens. haha!

2011 ends and 2012 starts…

2011 resolutions:
1. Find a job that i can feel happy about
2. Teach my mum to be more independent and find something that she likes to do
3. Lose 10kg for me to do my headstand

2012 resolutions:
1. Perform better at work, in terms of understanding and carrying out the tasks
2. Accept my mum for who she is
3. Lose 10kg to tell myself that i can do it and learn to work on my headstand while i’m in the process of losing weight.

Changes since 2011:
1. Loving myself for who i am
2. Accepting that there are uncontrollable factors in life
3. Always have the faith that things will turn out fine

保持 真诚信： 真实，诚恳和信用。

人生是。。。

很多微笑，明知道虚伪、却还强挤着笑容；
很多回忆，明知道痛心、却还是无法释怀；
很多时候，明知道厌倦、却始终一成不变；
很多放弃，明知道美好、却始 终不甘离去；
很多渴望，明知道无用、却始终想得到理解；
… 很多束缚，明知道拉扯，却还是摆脱不了；
很多事情，明知道结局、却还是想停也停不下。

Lesson 26: Life purpose, do you have it?

I think i’m starting to have. With a change of job and slight improvement/deprovement of my mum’s condition, it’s quite rare that i’m thinking. But surprisingly, i managed to. After finishing Scent of a Woman (Starring Kim Sun Ah & Lee Dong Wook), written by No Ji Seol, i realised something that i did was wrong. In view of my mum’s mental dependence on me, i decided to forgo my current life to be in sync with her. Simply put, i gave up living my life for her because it is a chore to tell her what i want to do, and knowing that she’ll reject the bulk of it or giving me excuses on how much i shouldn’t be doing it. I even told myself that it’s ok if i do not have a purpose in life after she’s gone because i’ll ‘come back’ again… But after watching SoaW, i realised that it should not be this way… i need to have a purpose in life and i need to start to tell her so. I have to teach her that i accept her dependance but i still need to live my own life. I want to have things/events to look forward to and be ready to challenge myself to do more. Because if i don’t do it, i will end up hating her when she’s gone. And it is the fact. I won’t try to hide, even from her. I am going to tell her. As much as i understand her agony of being the surviving spouse, i can’t live my life for her only and she needs to learn that as well. So i’m going to help her grow up and at the same time, do something for myself. it’s not going to be easy but i’m going to try my very best. i deserve to give myself that try. No longer will i be a living dead but a person with a life worth remembering because SHE tried her best at things that matter to her.